Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Let's All Go To The Movies - Obsessed

Let's take a minute for this Strange White Female/Disclosure/Perfect Stranger/Swimfan conglomeration, or rather, 2:30 -

Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce. "I'll show you crazy?" I know you want to be taken seriously as an actress, so you wanted to step out and do something that's not a musical. After all, there's only so many Carmen: A Hip-Hopera, Cadillac Records, Dreamgirls, Goldmember, Fighting Temptations, etc. out there for you to sing your way through. (Damn! I got all but Fighting Temptations and Pink Panther before I had to use IMDB) But this can not be the type of work you think you can look back on and be proud of. Anyway, my 10 favorite things about this preview are below... and by favorite, I mean the worst and easiest to make fun of.

10. The look Ali Larter gives at :14. 'I'm just a temp. Hee hee.' Varsity Blues was a long time ago. You're getting a little old to be the flirty slutty secretary.

9. The crappy score. I was two notes in before I knew it would be bad. It's such cliche thriller music.

8. "Is she pretty?" Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

7. "You said you 'wish we could be together!'" Who does Ali Larter think she is? She's not Stan. This isn't an Eminem song.

6. What kind of babysitter let's someone in the house. I'm a little more lenient since Ali barged in, but call the cops. You should have seen some movies, girl.

5. Even worse, what kind of detective/social worker/anyone questions a man about a nude woman overdosing in his bed right in front of his wife? Or out in an open area? That has to be a breach of some sort of protocol.

4. The scene where Beyonce suddenly has a change of heart and tries to save Ali from falling to her death/twisted ankle.../broken leg at worst and then is pulled down as well obviously happens when there are at most 20 minutes left in the movie. It's like how the preview gives away that Hannah Montana will have some sort of concert at her farm place where she reveals her true identity but then gets to sing anyway. Stop giving away the ending, Hollywood!

3. Jerry O'Connell?

2. The crappy intertitles.
An office flirtation - umm... he's already at fault for flirting
An innocent temptation - temptation isn't innocent
Two different perceptions - his face says he knows exactly what she wants
What you hide makes you innocent - if you're hiding something, you're guilty of it
what you reveal makes you guilty - no
and the truth lies somewhere in between - fair enough?

1. 1:13
No, Jerry O'Connell. Bad.

Also, what kind of e-mail address is TempGirl? They can make up realistic ones for the others in the folder, but not for her?
Lastly, how is the man is this movie the same man currently on The Office? He doesn't look like himself...

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